Irrevocable
by kayfanatik
Summary: Clare's nothing like Julia, but perhaps they share a common fate. EClare. Be kind, leave reviews- constructive criticism welcome.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Not Mine

Pairing: EClare

I wasn't able to stop it. She glanced back at me before she got behind the wheel of her new car. Anger, resentment, and hurt were etched on her delicate features. "I still love you," she called out to me.

I stubbornly stood at my doorway and turned my head. "Just go, Clare. Just leave."

Her head dropped and she slid in the driver's seat. I watched her pause and wipe her face. A pang of guilt and pain of breaking her heart burned in my chest. I hated the way I made her feel. She finally turned the vehicle on and started to pull away. Her piercing blue eyes found mine through the rearview mirror. I foolishly looked away and retreated back inside my lonely home.

The sad beauty of her tear-filled eyes was still imprinted in my mind. They were oddly familiar, like I had dreamed of those eyes before. A grave feeling washed over me as I realized what I had done. Panic hit me like I had hit a brick wall going 80mph. I hadn't broken up with Clare, had I? I felt like I was going through déjà vu.

_Eli- go after her. _

"No," I muttered to myself with little resolution. My thoughts still raced.

_Eli, Go after her._

I looked out the window. The sun was setting as it was close to dusk. The familiarity of the situation grew stronger and stronger by the minute. My denial, however, seemed to be stronger.

"She won't have me. Not after what happened today. Not after what I said to her." I felt crazy trying to reason with myself, but something was urging me to reconsider.

_Eli, she's going to end up like-_

"JULIA!"

My body flooded with the horrific realization of how well I really knew this circumstance. I threw the door open and pounded the pavement towards Clare's house.

"This can't be the same. She won't end up like Julia…"

It had only been moments since Clare's departure, but it seemed like hours since I saw her. I drew in a sigh of relief as I saw the body of her car sitting quietly at an intersection stoplight down the road.

"Clare!" I called out, breathing heavily. I was out of breath.

Her windows were down, but she didn't seem to hear me.

"Clare!" I yelled, a bit more intensely. My heart fluttered as she turned to face me. Her eyes met mine for a split second. I glimpsed her wonderfully beautiful face for half of a moment.

And then it happened.

I blinked- and her face was gone. I gaped in horror as another motorist slammed into the rear end of her car, which was still waiting patiently at the red-light. The reckless driver belted Clare's car into the other part of the intersection.

I wasn't able to stop it.

_Just like Julia…_

"CLARE!"

I couldn't see her or the car. My lungs and body ached from my instinctual sprint towards the undeniably heinous scene.


	2. Chapter 2

"No, no, no…." I cried to myself. Gasping in shock I stopped dead in my tracks at the accident. The driver of the other vehicle looked unconscious. I could feel the glass crunching beneath my feet. My heart sank at the sight of her car. The back of her car was bent at an unnatural angle, and her windows were blown out. I couldn't see Clare. I rushed to the driver's side of the car, yelling her name. My head was spinning; my heart and mind were racing. I shouldn't have told her off. I shouldn't have made things worse than they really were. Clare loved me, and I had to react the way I did. If only I had been more understanding of what happened, she would be with me right now in my arms. I rushed to the driver's side. My breath caught in my throat when I finally saw her.

"Oh God, Clare…"

***Flash back Clare's POV* **

So maybe I shouldn't have told him. All I ever wanted to do was be honest, I mean, that's what I was taught. Good people are honest, and 'honesty is the best policy.' I thought if I told him the truth, he'd be forgiving and accept me for my mistakes. My parents told me that it was God's way to be forgiving. For a moment, I forgot that Eli rejected God, and forgiveness.

"I'm sorry, Eli. It was an awful mistake, and it will never happen again, I love you too much. You mean the world to me." I pleaded with him. How could I have been so stupid?

Eli never looked at me. Not once did he raise his exquisite green eyes to mine.

"Clare, you kissed him." He stated coldly.

I blanched. "I didn't." My voice was tiny.

At this he finally raised his eyes to mine. Glaring at me with fire, he spat, "Okay, so he kissed you. You didn't stop him. You never even thought to push him away. You kissed him back, Clare. All I want to know is why?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but nothing came out. I wanted to tell him that Fitz had been coming around lately, and Eli had been noticeably absent in my life. Fitz came to talk religion and try to restore my faith, whereas Eli had been eager for me to denounce it. I wanted to tell Eli that I was confused and scared. Lately, time spent with Eli had not exactly been lollipops and rainbows, but I adored him, and I knew that we were meant to be.

"I don't know, Eli." I really didn't know why I kissed Fitz back. I never had feelings for him like that- at all. I knew he liked me, and it was flattering (in a very creepy way), but it didn't cross my mind that I would have kissed him.

He rolled his eyes.

"What I do know, is that I loved you with everything I am," Eli started as he started walking towards the door, " And you blew it." He yanked the door open and signaled me to get out of his house.


	3. Chapter 3

Eli's POV present

Clare was face down, bloody, and still on the passenger's side of the car. Her arms were sprawled out, like she was reaching for something, and her legs were under the dash. I swallowed hard. She looked dead.

"Help! Someone help me and call 911!"

I yanked on the door handle, but it wouldn't budge. I ran to the passenger's side of the car and desperately tried that handle. It opened- and I instinctively felt Clare for breath and a pulse. Her pulse was racing, and her breathing was shallow.

"Clare, my love, I am going to get you out of here. I promise you will be just fine." I muttered. She was unconscious, but it was more for my own comfort than for hers.

Someone touched my shoulder. "Son, we need you to stand out of the way so we can help your friend."

The paramedics had arrived. I hesitantly stepped aside and watched them work on my Clare to save her life. I put my hands on my head- still stained with her blood. My adrenaline was gone, and the guilt barged its way into my body. I shouldn't have been so unreasonable. I should have been there for her. I wasn't there for her…

Flash back Clare POV

Fitz had come over to discuss some Bible verses. Yeah. I should have known that letting him over to my place was a bad idea. We had stopped the discussion so I could make some food.

"So Clare, how does a girl like you seriously end up with a twisted, dark dude like Eli?"

I shot him a glare. "Eli is not a twisted, dark dude." I thought for a moment. "Okay, so he's a little dark. But he has a good heart. He's funny, and brilliant"

Fitz shook his head. "Seriously, Clare. Can you really see yourself forever with someone who drives a hearse around like it's normal? Do you honestly want to be with a guy who wears more eye makeup than you do? Doesn't his intensity scare you at all?"

I hesitated. Eli did have a strong personality, but that's what drew me to him. His intensity was what made my heart throb every moment I was with him.

Fitz took advantage of my hesitation. "And what about being a rebound for his dead ex?"

I snapped my head up to glare at him. "I am not, nor will I ever be a rebound." I spat. My heart rate was increasing with anger. Fitz was trying to play my vulnerable side, and I wasn't going to have it. "Julia is dead. I am alive," I said as my nostrils flared.

He half smirked. "Well I can see that. Still doesn't mean you are insecure about it." He shrugged. "As long as you don't think you are a rebound. I suppose you aren't."

True, I had been there for Eli. I emotionally supported him with his coping of his girlfriend's death. His issues I helped him deal with; the hoarding was because of Julia. Was I a rebound?

Fitz stared into my eyes as he was reading my face. "Hey, are you okay?"

I just realized that tears had sprung to my eyes. "Yes. I'm fine." I quickly wiped away my tears.

He took his hand and gently stroked my wet cheek.

"Fitz, what are you doing?"

He gazed longingly into my eyes and acted on my emotions. He leaned in to softly kiss me on my lips. The gentleness of his touch and the softness of his lips drew me in for a split second. It took me a minute to realize what was happening.

I yanked my body back in horror. "What are you doing?"

Fitz put his hands up in surrender. "Whoa. I'm sorry, I just thought that…"

I shook my head. "No. You thought wrong. You thought way, way wrong."

He looked confused as he was undoubtedly trying to process what just happened.

"Okay, I'll go then." He said reluctantly. He opened my front door, and I hurried to shut it behind him. I slumped against the closed door, squeezed my eyes shut, and slowly slid to the ground. What had I done?

I gathered myself off the floor and picked up the phone.

"Eli. Hey, can I come over? I need to talk to you."


End file.
